While this may appear to be my first blog entry, I'm really not a blirgin. I have several at work, one on my fagberry (it's what I call BlackBerries because I swore them off thinking they were only for middle aged men wanting to look important and fags), and a silly one at MySpace. I've been meaning to get them off my phone and into a site of some sort - myspace, here, or a real website for myself. Just thought of something. My 'Procrastination list' I may as well post it to prove I think about something in my spare time.
Brett's Procrastination (Not-to-do) list
At least I can stratch off something off the list today. Anyway, let me get back to the real reason I'm typing on a keyboard this late Sunday morning instead of going to Church for the first time in 17 years.
I've randomly been collecting short bits that I loosely call blogs on my fagberry. I've shown them to tons of people and I can tell you right now if you'll think they're funny or just use of the the human language to make disgusting/offensive/insane sentences.
Are you religious? My studies have found that anybody who regularly attends church don't find these funny.
Do you receive an LL Bean catalog in the mail every month? Again, if you do, please don't read any more.
Have you donated any money ever to PBS? I think you're getting the idea here, so I'll post the first one.
It's very mild and represents my 'born and raised in upstate NY' mentality. I was at concert (the band Three) in Woodstock, NY and saw a few citiots (yuppies from Manhattan). At that point I figured it would be funny to script a typical yuppy blog;
More of a spoof, not a true funny. My next one could possibly be my favorite. You'll have to think of me being a female in order to truly appreciate it. It doesn't really make any sense in the reality of me being a guy.
Oddly enough, not too many girls like this one. The ones who do are usually pretty cool and worth talking for a few minutes with. My next one is quite similar, but comes from my grandfather and makes no sense;
I'm spent at the moment (truthfully, I want to watch the Orangemen vs Villanova bball game). I'll put the rest up in another post. One last thing - I was never a fan of 'if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all'. If you like to give me some hate comments, please do. I'll simply turn them into funny quips that will offend you. It'll be like eating your own shit.
Brett's Procrastination (Not-to-do) list
- Put my web skills to work and create a nice website for myself.
- Get a physical.
- Put together that closet organizer I bought in December.
- Visit Anuj in India.
- Play curling.
- Learn to ice skate.
- Start a gourmet take out style pasta bar with Steve.
- Make my official 'procrastination list'
At least I can stratch off something off the list today. Anyway, let me get back to the real reason I'm typing on a keyboard this late Sunday morning instead of going to Church for the first time in 17 years.
I've randomly been collecting short bits that I loosely call blogs on my fagberry. I've shown them to tons of people and I can tell you right now if you'll think they're funny or just use of the the human language to make disgusting/offensive/insane sentences.
Are you religious? My studies have found that anybody who regularly attends church don't find these funny.
Do you receive an LL Bean catalog in the mail every month? Again, if you do, please don't read any more.
Have you donated any money ever to PBS? I think you're getting the idea here, so I'll post the first one.
It's very mild and represents my 'born and raised in upstate NY' mentality. I was at concert (the band Three) in Woodstock, NY and saw a few citiots (yuppies from Manhattan). At that point I figured it would be funny to script a typical yuppy blog;
I'm watching some guitarist play music but can't stop thinking about how much of a bitch the girl at Starbucks was when I ordered my usual Triple Expresso Mocha Choco Soy Latte.
More of a spoof, not a true funny. My next one could possibly be my favorite. You'll have to think of me being a female in order to truly appreciate it. It doesn't really make any sense in the reality of me being a guy.
As my Mom always said, "Don't talk to fags. They'll spoil your appetite for cock."
Oddly enough, not too many girls like this one. The ones who do are usually pretty cool and worth talking for a few minutes with. My next one is quite similar, but comes from my grandfather and makes no sense;
My grandfather once said to me, "Don't have sex with drunk hookers. They'll steal your testicles and impregnate your hampsters with reckless abandon. Not to disrespect your grandmother as she knows enough not to shit on our bed.
I'm spent at the moment (truthfully, I want to watch the Orangemen vs Villanova bball game). I'll put the rest up in another post. One last thing - I was never a fan of 'if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all'. If you like to give me some hate comments, please do. I'll simply turn them into funny quips that will offend you. It'll be like eating your own shit.
posted by Brettuthius at 8:16 AM
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